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DEAR HARRIETTE: My 23-year-old daughter signed a one-year lease with her boyfriend and moved out of my home without telling me. I discovered that she had left by finding her bedroom completely empty.
I am hurt by the way she decided to handle everything. If she feels that she is grown enough to move out and get a place on her own, she should be grown enough to sit down and have a conversation with me about the move. She has been avoiding my calls and is not treating me with even the smallest bit of respect.
While I’m extremely hurt, I do not want to push her away by reacting fully out of emotion. How do I approach her with love even though she seems to be pushing me away?
Shocked and Upset
DEAR SHOCKED AND UPSET: Clearly, your daughter is afraid to talk to you about her life. Otherwise, she would have handled this differently.
Rather than being too pushy, as you can see, you need to back off for now.
If she is in touch with any other family members or friends, reach out to them to ask to be informed of how she is doing. Keep tabs on her from a distance. Get the message to her that you love her and want her to be happy and safe.
Wait to hear from her. If you push her too hard, you will also push her away.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gained quite a bit of weight in the past couple of years. I was going through my fall clothing and discovered that I can only fit a few things.
I want to lose weight, and I have decided to pay attention to my diet and all, but I am wondering if I should hold on to all of these clothes that don’t fit. Honestly, I have clothing from at least four sizes ago. I haven’t had the discipline to lose the weight or to get rid of the too-small stuff.
How do you know when it’s time to let go?
Clean Out My Closet
DEAR CLEAN OUT MY CLOSET: One common belief is that if you haven’t worn something in the past two years, it’s time to let it go. Some people are even more disciplined than that, but I believe that gives you at least two seasons for each wardrobe item.
If you can’t fit it anymore or you haven’t had an appropriate moment to wear it, give it away. Find a local charity or house of worship that repurposes gently used clothing. There is always someone in need who can benefit from clothing items that no longer serve you.
If you are worried that you may lose the weight and be able to wear the item sometime in the future, you might want to give up on that idea. Instead, consider that when you reach your new level of fitness, you can reward yourself with a new clothing item!
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Harriette Cole