Judith Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got dumped by a friend because I don’t dye my hair. She is a struggling actor who colors her hair and tells everyone she is 10 or 15 years younger than she actually is.
Over the years, the grayer my hair got, the less she wanted to hang out with me, before eventually dropping me completely. Occasionally, I’ll see her on a television commercial selling postmenopausal vitamins or something.
It was painful at first, but it seems pretty funny now. Her hair might look 25, but all the other bits of her are firmly in the 60-and-over category.
GENTLE READER: The snarky, but perhaps deserved, last bit notwithstanding, it appears you have had the last laugh.
If that was the reason your friend dropped you, it is indeed silly. The signs of aging are not catching. And Miss Manners is pleased to see that people are finally recognizing the dignity in getting older by letting their hair become gray or white.
Perhaps when your friend discovers that she has only the occasional paycheck and some vitamins to comfort her in her old age, she will realize her folly. In the meantime, you are ahead.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to minimize lipstick residue on cups and glasses while dining out?
GENTLE READER: A discreet swipe of your finger after leaving the residue is kind to both the dishwashers and the appetites of your fellow diners.
What Miss Manners does not recommend is that you wipe the lipstick off with your napkin, as this will then make it the (perhaps irreversible) problem of the launderers.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing concerning an etiquette rule my flatmate seems to think I have broken — one which I think does not exist. We are both in college, for reference.
The other evening, my flatmate invited over a guest, who I am also close friends with, to bake with her. I had my partner over at the time. After about four hours of all of us hanging out, talking and baking, I excused myself and my partner. We retired to my room to go to bed.
It was rather late in the evening, but the guest decided to stay for a couple more hours while we went to sleep.
My flatmate thinks it was very rude for us not to have stayed in the living room for the entire duration of the guest’s stay. But I think as I hadn’t invited her, I am not responsible to spend the entire evening with both of them, especially as it got late.
Am I responsible for acting as a host in my house if I didn’t invite the guests?
GENTLE READER: In this case, no, but you must promise Miss Manners that you will not apply this caveat to your partner in the future.
Couples are joint hosts in a way that roommates may not be, necessarily. In other words, no using the “not my guest” technicality as an excuse to go to bed early when your spouse’s tedious boss comes over for dinner. Although, Miss Manners sincerely hopes that even a boring boss would know to go home after six hours.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin