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DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently made a mistake with my friends that had the opposite effect of what I intended.
My friend group split apart last year, and two people stopped being friends with all of us except for my roommate. The two girls who stopped being friends with us had longstanding issues with one girl in our group.
I heard that a confrontation of some sort was going to come about, and I talked to my friends about it so they would leave my roommate out of it.
Both sides misunderstood my words, and a full-blown fight ensued, ending with my roommate having to choose sides.
I was trying to avoid drama by saying something, but I started it instead. I apologized to everyone for getting involved, but I feel guilty.
How do you navigate when to say something to avoid conflict?
— Friend Conflict
DEAR FRIEND CONFLICT: As hard as it may seem, it is usually best to stay out of trying to solve problems in group dynamics.
Instead of predicting what may happen and attempting to redirect behavior, sometimes you have to stand back and let things play out.
It sounds like the one good thing you did was own up to your mistake. That is important as it points to your integrity.
People will make mistakes. Unfortunately, this won’t be your last. Being honest about who you are, what you believe and how you feel about your friends is important.
You can also state your position on how you intend to deal with conflicts in the future. My recommendation is to be direct with them and address any concerns individually rather than going to others about someone else’s issues.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to start cooking more often.
For about two weeks, I cooked for every meal, and I felt much healthier and more productive when I prepared my own food. However, when school started to pick up and I had to study more, my time to cook shortened tremendously. I no longer had the motivation to cook because of how drained I was from schoolwork, and when I ran out of groceries, it felt as if there was too little time before break to order more food.
I spent a lot of money on takeout and barely finished all the food I ordered due to the ridiculous portion sizes and grease.
The healthier the food is, the more expensive it is, too, so I could not eat healthy every day.
How should I start cooking again in a way that is affordable and not too time-consuming? How should I balance my meals?
— Cook More
DEAR COOK TIME: The key to your success is planning.
Go food shopping on the weekends — and cook then, too. Plan out your meals for the week and cook everything you can on one day. Carve out a couple of hours so that this task doesn’t take up all of your downtime.
If you cook your food, pack it up and label it for each day, including the date you cooked it, you will have your own healthy meals ready to go. Freeze some items to keep on hand. Thaw them on the morning that you need them.
You will save money and eat better while also managing your time well.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Harriette Cole