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DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 54-year-old woman who married for the second time a year ago.
I became reacquainted with my new husband when he contacted me via Facebook, saying he had always loved me and didn’t want to miss his chance again.
I recently found out he cheated on me with another woman. I am so shocked because he claims to have loved me forever, and now he turns around and hurts me like this. I thought we had a strong connection, and his words and actions seemed genuine.
I feel betrayed and uncertain about the future of our relationship. I am torn between confronting him and trying to work through this or walking away from the marriage altogether. I never expected to find myself in this position.
How should I handle this heartbreaking situation? I want to make the right choice for myself, but I feel lost and hurt. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
— Stay or Go
DEAR STAY OR GO: You owe it to yourself to confront him about his behavior.
Tell him you want to have a serious conversation with him. Choose a time when both of you are sober and focused on talking to each other — with no distractions. Then tell him of your suspicion. Be prepared to tell him how you know about this indiscretion. Do know that he may lie. That’s why having evidence can be helpful if you want to get to the truth. Hold his feet to the fire about it if you are certain.
Ask him why he would choose to do such a thing. Remind him of the fact that he sought you out. He found you, courted you, expressed his undying love for you and married you. Why did he go to so much effort if he didn’t intend to be faithful to you?
Ask him what he wants. Let him know what you want and need in order to stay married to him. If that includes being monogamous, make that crystal clear, as you also point out that you didn’t think that needed to be said.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage children received money from family members for Christmas instead of stuff. I thought this was great since they are at the ages when they like to choose things for themselves.
I thought it would be nice for them to tell the people who gave them the money how they spent it. Do you think that’s a good idea?
I thought it would help them to be in communication with their elders beyond this once-a-year engagement.
— Saying Thank You
DEAR SAYING THANK YOU: Encouraging your teenagers to stay in touch with family members is a great idea, and this is a creative way to ignite that bonding. It could take some pushing to get them engaged, but I think it’s a great idea.
It may also help them to be more thoughtful about how they spend the money — anything from buying themselves something to putting it into a money-making financial instrument.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Harriette Cole