Judith Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: One day, as I was leaving a store with my father, we passed a couple having a very theatrical and obvious argument in a foreign language I am fluent in.
My father, who knows next to nothing of the language, asked me to translate it for him.
I thought that was a horrible thing to do, and asked him if he found it appropriate.
He said that he was trying to get me to practice the language, and that it was acceptable. I disagreed, and we both got a bit annoyed.
Who, if either of us, was in the wrong? And what should I do in future situations if a similar occasion arises?
GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners presumes that your objection was to embarrassing the couple, tell him, sotto voce, that you will fill him in later in the car. And if you feel even that would be a violation of privacy, you can say, “Oh, they were just arguing.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently visited an elderly friend for the first time since the pandemic. Before my visit, she asked me what I would like to eat.
I didn’t know how to answer that. Since I was going to go somewhere else after my visit, I told her not to worry about it; I would get something to eat later.
Just when I was about to leave her home (and getting hungry), in walks her daughter with doughnuts. Later, I learned that when some other friends came to visit, she served them pizza and salad! Maybe that’s what they requested — I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m going to visit again soon and I’m not sure what to say if asked about food again. Maybe, “Anything but doughnuts”?
GENTLE READER: Awkwardly as your friend handled it, Miss Manners asks wide tolerance for hosts who have not figured out how to avoid being lectured by guests on the food they serve or do not serve.
The proper response — and certainly the one that will warm any host’s heart — is, “I am happy with whatever is easiest for you.” Even if that produces doughnuts.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend, who’s co-hosting her brother- and sister-in-law’s baby shower, is insisting that I attend.
I disagree that I should, as I’m only acquainted with the couple through my friend and through social media. Although I live in the same city as this couple, I don’t ever see them unless my best friend is in town, which is about once a year at most.
I feel that baby showers are for the friends and family of the parents-to-be, and I’m neither.
Who is correct in this situation?
GENTLE READER: Etiquette is willing to put herself in harm’s way when defending a principle, but none is in sight. Your best friend is free to invite you — irrespective of what you are to the honorees — but she cannot compel you to attend.
A more constructive response, and one taking into account your close relationship, might be, “You know I don’t know them well, but if it is really important to you to have me there, of course I will come.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin