Judith Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several months ago, my brother and his wife, who have a 10-month-old baby, found out that they are pregnant again.
This news was not met with nearly as much joy as the news of the first child. It was made clear that this was neither planned nor wanted, and that it was the result of carelessness on their part.
Fast-forward to now, and they have strongly hinted to me that they would like a baby shower. They just had one less than year ago, at which they received a massive amount of supplies! They do not have a big enough circle to invite all new guests.
My mother and I often watch their baby, so it’s not like we don’t care about them, but we do not wish to host a shower for them. We offered to throw them a gender reveal party, but that was quickly rejected without consideration.
My mother has told me that if a baby shower is thrown for them by my sister-in-law’s family (who also threw the last one), she would like to give them a pack of condoms! I was shocked — most of the shock arising from the fact that the idea originated from my usually puritanical mother.
I suggested that perhaps instead of presenting this “gift” in front of all my sister-in-law’s friends, it be given privately as a “welcome home from the hospital” present once the baby is born.
I would value your opinion on this matter.
GENTLE READER: It is that your mother should be allowed one tasteless joke within the family without its being spread around, much less acted upon.
Admittedly, the couple set a standard of tastelessness by discussing the conception and demanding a shower from relatives. But there is an extended family involved here, with a child to be added to it. This seems a good reason to end any kidding that perpetuates the notion that the child was unwanted.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband, George, insists that we thank our sweet puppy when he follows directions.
I explained that I do not believe thanking a pet is necessary, but I would be willing to send an inquiry to Miss Manners, who is the authority regarding etiquette.
George responded that he did not believe Miss Manners is an actual person, and is more likely a group of people in an office. He then went on to explain that even if Miss Manners is “real,” she isn’t the authority in all areas of etiquette.
My questions for Miss Manners are: What is the appropriate amount of time for George to sleep in the doghouse, and does etiquette require that I eventually allow him back into our house?
GENTLE READER: George is a brave man to take on both his spouse and Miss Manners. But a foolish one to disparage the authority who was about to sympathize with him.
Not to vindicate him, exactly, but to sympathize.
Aside from the silliness of your alleged argument — and your satisfaction at getting Miss Manners to notice such silliness — it is good to be in the habit of giving thanks, even when not strictly necessary.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin