Judith Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I spent considerable time shopping for just the right statement necklace to complement my fairly simple wedding dress.
I thought I had made the perfect choice with a piece of costume jewelry. But at our wedding reception, a friend of my husband’s approached me and asked, “So, are those real diamonds?”
I was shocked by the question, but before I could think of an answer, a relative piped in with, “Of course not! If those were real diamonds, they could have afforded to have their reception in a nicer place!”
How could I have replied at that point?
GENTLE READER: “I’m so glad that both of you could be here to celebrate us.” This should be said with a beatific bridal smile — the sincerity of which Miss Manners hopes your guests will be questioning for the rest of their rude and impertinent lives.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A longtime acquaintance joined us for a casual meal at our home. Eating her sandwich resulted in a scattering of crumbs on the table.
I was surprised to see her hand sweep the crumbs from the table to the floor — twice! — while she ate. Our home is not a beer-soaked bar.
Possible choices in the future: 1. Lightly say, “Hey, those crumbs won’t clean themselves up!” 2. Say, “Excuse me while I clean up your space” as I do so, using a whisk broom. 3. Hand her a wet wipe — “Ants, you know!” or 4. Sadly, do not invite her to our table again.
Which would you suggest?
GENTLE READER: 5. “Perhaps I should get you a bigger plate. That one does not seem to be doing this messy sandwich any favors.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a live theater performance. Seated directly in front of me was a very tall woman whose hair was styled in an updo that added — seriously — 5 or 6 inches to her height!
I could not see the stage at all unless I leaned uncomfortably left or right, and each time she shifted in her seat, I had to shift in mine.
I couldn’t imagine anything I could politely say to her about this, so I just did my best to look around her.
Does Miss Manners have any suggestions for this situation? At the very least, can she ask tall people to consider others when styling their hair for the theater?
To be fair, the venue was a former movie theater, so the seating was designed not for viewing a stage performance, but for looking at a large, high screen. I will also mention that while I did not engage with her directly, this person seemed to be very lovely in interacting with her friends.
GENTLE READER: Sure. Because she probably looked fabulous and was being widely admired by them. They did not have to sit behind her.
Miss Manners has witnessed enough awards shows to notice that extreme hair and costume choices may be photo-worthy, but they ignore the comfort of seat companions who would like to watch the performance — or at least not get an aggressive feather in the eye while doing so.
Miss Manners admires fashion, but will remind her readers that consideration of others must be regarded when you are sharing close seating quarters. Any outsized accoutrements should at least be made removable.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin