harriet1500px
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a girls trip with my best friends for a week. Two of my friends are recently single, and we found a trending TikTok audio that meshed with the fact that the last time we were all together, they were both still in relationships.
We made our own video using that track. No names were mentioned, nor was anything negative said about either of their exes — but the best friend of one of the exes spammed the TikTok post with disrespectful comments about us as a group, starting a public dispute online.
He later called one of my friends to talk to us about it and how he thought that it was wrong of us to put his best friend’s business on the internet for everyone to see.
We did not agree with him that it was wrong, and he did not understand why we took offense to his comments when he could have called before slandering us. We did not take the video down, but the comment thread was deleted.
How should we handle this situation so that we do not lose our friendship with him without making it seem like we had ill intentions about the video?
Online Drama
DEAR ONLINE DRAMA: While it may seem that the internet is this huge place that is anonymous, it actually isn’t.
People who know you are typically the first to see your posts. Therefore, you don’t really have to name names for viewers to recognize exactly who you are talking about and take your comments personally. That’s exactly what happened in your case.
What you thought was innocent landed as either a personal attack or rubbing the breakups in their faces. You did not intend that reaction, but you now see the impact of the unintentional consequences.
When you have all calmed down, you may want to check in with the friend who reached out. Apologize for hurting anybody’s feelings and explain that that wasn’t the intent. Tell him that you really did think you were just having lighthearted fun, but you now know that your video hurt someone’s feelings. Say you hope you can remain friends.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently read a book that made me really upset.
There were multiple instances of domestic abuse, and I had no clue that the book would feature such intense themes when I started reading it. I thought that there would have been a trigger warning of some sort, but there was not.
Normally I do not get emotional about books, but this one struck a nerve that I did not know I had. It also made it hurt more when I read at the end that it was based on a true story — specifically the story of the writer’s parents.
How can I compartmentalize what I read in books so I am not completely floored when I read something deeply upsetting?
Sad Book
DEAR SAD BOOK: First, you should write a review of this book on the site where you bought it or on another book review site and express your concern that there was no indication of the violent content. Suggest that there be warnings included with books to let readers know if something disturbing is included.
Beyond that, consider a book just like a movie or TV show. It is not your life. It is something that you are observing.
You can allow yourself to be affected by it momentarily but decide that it will be a fleeting experience. That doesn’t mean that you will forget it, but your attitude can allow you to live in the moment with the book and give you the freedom to move on when you finish that last page.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Harriette Cole