Judith Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was scolded by a co-worker for putting trash into the trash bin!
The bag in the bin had just been changed a few minutes before. My co-worker said I was insulting the person who changed it — that their work was “already being ruined.”
I am a little embarrassed to say that although I am in my 30s, I have never encountered this etiquette rule before.
What is the acceptable amount of time to wait?
GENTLE READER: Zero minutes. Because such a rule does not exist.
While Miss Manners would hardly deprive someone of the satisfaction of a job well done, she cannot imagine that a person who had cleaned up would want you to mess up the rest of the office by leaving your trash elsewhere.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an office administrator of a certain age (early 50s, which really should not matter). I must have a young-sounding voice, because I am quite often referred to as “Dear,” primarily by male callers. I have a difficult time suppressing my surprise, distress and displeasure.
I would be grateful if you could recommend a gentle but effective comeback that will not result in my being fired!
I have considered saying that while I was raised by deer, I am actually a wildebeest. But that is my inner voice speaking.
GENTLE READER: Impressive that your inner voice is still so polite — and clever.
Miss Manners fears, however, that your quip may only encourage these overly familiar callers, who seem to already be beastlike in their interactions.
Another option is, “I’m sorry, do we know one another?” And when the offender sounds confused, explain, “Well, you called me ‘Dear.’ I must have missed that we are close.” This should at least shame them into reconsidering how they address strangers like you in the future.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Like many others, I enjoy getting a good deal on something, like an article of clothing or an accessory. When a stranger compliments me on something I’m wearing, I always have the urge to tell them what a great deal I got on it. For example, if they mention liking my shoes, I thank them and mention I bought them on clearance with an extra discount.
Is this considered bad manners? I always thought it was a good way to strike up a conversation with someone.
GENTLE READER: And yet a prolonged conversation may not have been the stranger’s intention.
Miss Manners generally recommends that welcomed compliments be treated with a “thank you,” full stop. Any further exclamations tend to go down a winding row of apology (“These cheap things? They were only $12!”) or explanations — and a much longer discourse than the complimenter intended.
Besides, the likelihood of others’ being able to take advantage of any sales and discounts after the fact is low. If they are interested, they will ask.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss has invited me to her daughter’s wedding and I absolutely do not want to go. I have high anxiety and I don’t know her daughter, or anyone else there.
GENTLE READER: Thank your boss and politely send your regrets. Miss Manners encourages you not to offer an excuse — even if “having too much work to do” comes to mind.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin