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Dear Amy: I was on an Alaskan cruise in September. On Sept. 11 the ship made an announcement at about noon that we would have a minute of silence to commemorate 9/11.
I was in the dining area. Within a few seconds there was silence among most of the hundreds of people there, many of whom were probably not Americans.
At the table adjacent to me was a family (who were not speaking English) who continued to talk among themselves.
I was tempted to walk over with an image of the World Trade Center on my phone to explain what was going on without speaking.
However, I did not do anything but reverently bow my head as the minute passed. They continued to talk during the whole observance.
Should I have taken some action?
If I was visiting a country where I did not know the language and everyone was suddenly silent I would have followed the crowd and been silent myself.
– Alaskan Traveler
Dear Traveler: If you are traveling in a country where you don’t speak or understand the language, announcements can sound like white noise.
And if you are with other excited people and deeply engaged in conversation, you might not notice that others have fallen silent.
I don’t think it was necessary for you to flash a photo of this tragedy in order to drive your point home, but approaching the table, making eye contact and making the universal symbols for “quiet” and “praying” might have alerted the group for the need to pay respect.
Dear Amy: I mow lawns as a side gig.
Several months ago, my lawn mower quit working, and one of the families I mow for (the “Smiths”) offered to let me use theirs.
I accepted their offer and told them that as long as I used their lawn mower to mow other lawns, I wouldn’t charge them for mowing theirs.
A few weeks ago, another client gave me an old lawn mower (they’d gotten a new one). It was a kind gesture that truly filled my heart with hope.
Since then, I have not borrowed the Smiths’ mower. I’ve told them that I have a good mower now.
They asked me to continue using theirs on their lawn, and I agreed.
Since then, I’ve mowed, weed-whacked and cleaned the grass from their property two times. They thank me and tell me how great it looks … but they haven’t paid me.
I’m trying to figure out a tactful way to ask them for payment.
I value them as friends; they’re almost like family.
Can you help me to find the words?
– Unpaid
Dear Unpaid: Judging by my mailbag, the act of asking for money you are owed for services rendered is one of the most uncomfortable situations people face. It is vital for freelancers (such as yourself) to establish a clear and confident payment policy.
The Smiths generously let you use their mower to mow their and other clients’ lawns. During that period, you didn’t charge them to mow their lawn.
Now that this period has ended, you need to get them back on a payment schedule.
Contact them by email to say: “Thank you again for lending your mower when I needed it! This generous gesture helped to keep my business going, and I’m very grateful. However, now that I have replaced my mower, I’d like to get you back on a payment schedule. If you’d like me to continue to use your mower for your property, I’d be happy to extend a 20 percent discount [or whatever discount you decide]. With the discount, the fee for your property would be XX for each mowing and weed cleanup. If you don’t want me to use your mower, I’ll use my own. If so, the fee reverts to XX. Please let me know which you would prefer, and we’ll schedule your next mowing. With regards and much gratitude …”
The more transparent and professionally you behave in this area of your business, the better it will be for you and your clients.
If so, I predict that your business, like the crab grass in my own lawn, will continue to grow.
Dear Amy: “Lost In-Law” asked how to refer to his former brother-in-law, who is the father of his niece and nephew.
I’ve had that situation for years. My former BIL and I both have kids (who are cousins), so I call him “Uncle Norm” and he calls me “Uncle Dan.”
– Uncle Dan
Dear Uncle Dan: You nailed it. Great solution!
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
Originally published at Amy Dickinson