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DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found out that my friend’s husband has been cheating on her.
When I had all the facts and knew with 100% certainty that he was cheating, I decided to tell her about his infidelity. I presented her with all the factual evidence, and she believed it.
Unfortunately, my friend ultimately decided that it wasn’t a big deal. She confronted him about it, and they worked it out. Now her husband despises me and has made it clear that he doesn’t want me around anymore.
My friend isn’t letting her husband stop me from hanging out with her or coming over, but I feel like I shot myself in the foot. My friend’s reaction was obviously much different than I anticipated, and now I’ve made an enemy out of her husband for no reason.
What should I do?
— Cheater
DEAR CHEATER: You, as the messenger, have become the sacrificial lamb in this scenario. And guess what? This happens all the time.
Put yourself in your friend’s position. Would you want to know if your husband was cheating? If the answer is yes, then you probably did the right thing.
You cannot predict how someone will respond to such a revelation, but if you would appreciate being told, then you weren’t wrong in telling. There is always a risk in what happens next, as some couples do stay together after such revelations are made.
Without judging anyone, you may need to give your friend and her husband some space. They have to work through their issues. Hopefully he will stop blaming you and take a look at his own behavior. Over time, you may be able to feel more welcome at their table.
Just know that reporting infidelity is usually a messy affair. Deciding whether to share what you’ve learned is a personal choice, but now you see that the revelation can come with harsh consequences.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I posted a job opening for my company recently and let people know that it is a remote position. Most of the applications I have received are from people from other parts of the world. It’s pretty amazing to see, actually.
I am beginning to interview people, but I worry about how we will be able to interact if we are in vastly different time zones. I put it out there that I am open to working with someone regardless of their geographic location, but now I’m a little nervous.
What should I do?
— Remote Work
DEAR REMOTE WORK: Don’t make a decision before you talk to people.
Interview each applicant without bias. Learn their strengths and challenges. It will be relatively easy to find out if you can make your schedules work based on how easily you can set your interview, for starters.
When you talk to the applicants, find out how drastically their time zone differs from yours, what their willingness is to adapt to your schedule and what their expectations are about working with you.
I have worked with people in different time zones. One adjustment I made was to start my daily staff meetings later to accommodate someone whose time zone was three hours earlier than mine. It worked out.
If you are willing to be flexible, see what you can do to welcome someone from afar into your fold. Test it to see if it can work for both of you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Originally published at Harriette Cole